the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Less talking, more tequila
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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