you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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