Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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