Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize