insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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