woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
