The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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