I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Drunk is not a location!
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
