There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
