I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
