Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
