She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I DEMAND FORESKIN
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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