I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
