Only a mothe r could love this liver
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
