She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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