sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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