I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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