Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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