why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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