I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Randomize
