I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Just invented taco cereal.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
