My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
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