I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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