Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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