Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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