I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
