hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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