Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
