brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize