my mouth tastes like poor choices
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
What a dumb baby whore.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
