Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Randomize