South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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