I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
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