OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
