You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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