I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I think I died a long time ago.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Randomize