I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
