they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
