i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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