3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
