The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
