what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
My breasts were aching with rage.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
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