I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
you win again, gameday.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize