9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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