I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Drake has all the answers
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
