I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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