DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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