Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
