Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
