she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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