I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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