His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
the condom got lost in my hair
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
You ate ashes out of my bong
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
