You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Randomize
