I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
