I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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