The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
