how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Randomize
