It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
