wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
