I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Randomize
