isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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