My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
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