TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
