We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize