I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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