oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Randomize
