mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
