best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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