I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
